This too shall pass....

Like always, summer is flying by! We have had such a great summer in some ways and such a hard one at the same time. I was nervous about how the dynamic in the house would be with Brennan at home all day now. I personally was THRILLED for him to be here...it was the other boys I was worried about. They had a little routine, the two of them, and they play so nicely together. I was worried about it turning into world war 3. I am so happy to say that the boys have played so well together and we have had such a fun summer!

I guess fun summer in one sense, but VERY hard summer too. Mayleigh was sick for 23 days. Yes, I counted. It was a LONG 23 days. Poor thing. She was in so much pain. So was I. We all were. Having anyone in your house sick for that long just causes stress. So much stress. Then add on a move. It has not been an easy few months for me. But this too shall pass. And it did. Phew. We are on the other side of it. Well, the sickness at least.

So to go back and explain her 5th UTI. 5th UTI in 6 months. Poor girl. She is a trooper I tell you. Strong little girl! We thought we had this all figured out. Her stoma needed to be stitched up on one side to prevent the stool from getting in. But I guess that wasnt it. It for sure has something to do with when she is constipated. Severely constipated. Which mind you, happens in 12 hours or less. A nurse in Springfield finally talked to me about kids with these issues and made me feel better about beating myself up about her constipation. She said, by the time you sense it, she is severely constipated in just 6-12 hours. I try and remind myself of that all the time. It is easy to feel like its your fault when you are the care giver.

So for weeks we felt like there really wasn't anything we could do for her. The poor girl had poop coming through her urethra and she was so irritated and wouldn't let us wipe her. I could go on about the gory details of the poop/pee stuff but its really not pretty. Neither was getting sprayed EVERYWHERE by her poop/pee during a changing. But as many moms and dads out there know, you do things you never thought you would ever do for your kids. For instance when they told me they were going to teach me how to irrigate her stoma and clean some of the stool out. I drove to Springfield that day giving myself a pep talk about what I was about to do. I went to school to become a teacher.....NOT A NURSE! But an hour later I walked out of that office pretty proud of myself. I had just stuck a catheter down into her stoma and poured saline in it and drained out the stool. I DID! Not only did I feel good about doing it, but now we had a way of helping her when this happens again. I felt like I had so much power. I didn't have to survive everyday feeling like I couldnt help her. That was such a good feeling.

Unfortunatley the irrigation helps but not instantly. And because she passed so much stool through her urethra for so long, she was pretty irritated. It took a whole week or more for her to finally stop crying when she pees. Well, actually she still feels it even today because she tells me when she is going. But now she just winces for a second instead of falling to the ground shaking and screaming in pain.
But our spunky Mayleigh Wei is back. She is back to her happy, fun self. Well, she is 2 so I guess not ALWAYS fun. That girl is dramatic and can throw a serious temper tantrum! :) But we are so happy to see her smile again!

Through this last UTI, I made an appt to talk with her surgeon. We decided surgery had to be moved up. We couldnt go this long and risk having 2 or 3 more UTI's while we waited for Oct. surgery. I said I didnt want to move and do surgery this summer. So guess what...we are moving and 10 days later we are doing surgery. And I feel great about it. I am ready. I know I can do anything at this point. I just survived 23 days with a sick 2 year old and 3 other kids 6 and under all while showing our house. Surgery...no biggie!!  ;)

The cool thing was the whole timing of the surgery. Our surgeon was booked until early Sept. We were schedule to pack our house up on July 28th and spend that week moving. That very same day I talked to the surgeon, we sold our house and they asked for a closing date that was 2 weeks earlier. It also just so happened that Dr. Levitt had just shortened and trip and would be able to get Mayleigh for surgery on July 28th. God has a way of working out the details.

I read a blog post tonight from a friend that we traveled to China with. I cant stop thinking about it. Adoption has been hard. Harder emotionally than I thought. Harder physically too with the UTI's that we were not expecting. (according to her orphanage Dr. she never had one???...find that hard to believe) When I read my dear friends post, I felt like that could have been my post. My heart sank for her. I get it. I know 100% how she feels. But in some ways, I felt so good reading it. Its normal to feel this way and to struggle through the emotions of adoption. It's hard. She said she never thought she would struggle with unconditional love. Me too. She said its hard to see her fun loving boy turn into a monster because he doesn't know where he fits in anymore. Me too. To feel helpless and lost most days just trying to get through. me too. She watched her temper get the best of her and knowing she needed to try harder the next day. Me too.

All of this felt good. Felt good to know that someone who I saw in China as such a wonderful, calm, easygoing parent...was struggling too. Dont get me wrong...I dont want their family to struggle. That is not what I am getting at. Maybe I just needed my feelings validated. Maybe I just needed someone who 100% feels the struggles that we are feeling here.
We have had such GREAT times... great times with Mayleigh and Jeff and I still feel whole heartedly that this was our path. Our life was meant to have Mayleigh in it. She makes me stronger everyday. She has taught me so much about myself. She will make my kids stronger. She has made our marriage stronger.  Right now we feel tired and weak. But this too shall pass!

We love you Mayleigh Wei and thank God for bringing you to our family! You complete us!!

Our family wouldn't be our family without Mayleigh! Hard or not hard!! 

Mayleigh turns 2!

Yesterday was Mayleigh's 2nd birthday. Our first birthday with her. Unfortunately it wasn't what I pictured for her first birthday home. Mayleigh started not feeling well on Tuesday of last week. Last weekend Jeff and I were noticing that she wasnt pooping as much as normal. I noticed it but didnt really do much about it. And that is where the guilt comes in for me. I know the slippery slope her body goes on when she starts becoming constipated. It has happened before....and it happens quickly! Things go bad so fast. I should have known. But unfortunately I am still learning and I am busy with 3 other kids. Anyway....Tuesday I was spending the morning getting the house cleaned for a showing and Mayleigh threw up. It was a crazy morning. I ended up spending so much time cleaning her and sheets and clothes, that I wasn't able to spend as much time cleaning the house. Total chaos! She continued to throw up a few more times after lunch. I was beginning to think that she had a stomach bug but it ended up being the constipation. Unfortunately when she gets constipated, she seems to get dehydrated too. By Wed. morning she had the stool coming out of her urethra again. We were told by our surgeon that this wouldn't happen anymore now that he revised the stoma so we are not sure what is going on. :(
Unfortunately Mayleigh's specialist are far away and we dont get much help around here. I took her to my pediatrician and he really wasnt much help. No offense to him, he just doesnt know much about her medical issues. No one seems to be that alarmed that stool is coming out of her urethra and causing her terrible pain! It is very frustrating. So Jeff and I are just trying to figure this all out and sometimes feel like it's a big guessing game. We dont really have a lot of support here as far as doctors go and that is hard! So for the last 4 days we have been pushing fluids big time and just trying to comfort her through the pain as best as we can. Which is not easy when you have 3 other kids and 3 house showings through all of this! After Jeff called me on Thursday morning to tell me about a showing we had that afternoon, I think he sensed I was on the verge of a meltdown. He asked a friend to give a presentation he was suppose to do that afternoon and after the market closed, he came home to help clean and help take care of Mayleigh. I.was.so.thankful. I wasnt on the verge of a meltdown, I had already had a few in the last few days! ;) He is a good man!!!

Not only was I dealing with Mayleigh, but it was a pretty emotional week with Brennan finishing up kindergarten. I know...silly, but it just seems like the year flew by. I still am having a hard time with the upcoming move so knowing this was his last few days of being in the Mt. Zion schools was hard too. We were so blessed to be apart of the Mt. Zion district and are sad to leave! Brennan was blessed with such an amazing teacher this year and I think I am having a hard time with letting go. I dont know anyone at his new school. We had a tough year. Brennan not only was adjusting to all day school, his parents left for 17 days to go to China and bring home a new sister with special needs. It was a lot. Big changes. And his teacher handled it so well for him! We are so thankful for her and the support she gave not only him, but our family! THANK YOU RACHEL!!!! She has a special place in our hearts and always will! With 2 surgeries coming up this school and year and living in a new place, I can only pray we get a teacher as supportive and loving as his kdg teacher!

After the long week, Mayleigh's birthday ended up being a pretty great day! One more showing so we quickly knocked out the cleaning and then picked up B from his last day of school and went to the surf club! Jeff thought I was crazy for dragging Mayleigh and everyone there but that was Brennan's one request for his first day off. This is where I struggle. Having Mayleigh has taken a lot of time away from my boys. I know they will be ok in the end and they are learning so much about giving and learning that there world doesn't revolve around them, but it's hard!!! It's hard to divide my time. Especially when she is sick! So I was going to do whatever I could to take the boys to the pool. Everyone did great! We had a super fun afternoon with all of our friends!!
As hard as it is, I was reminded this week that things could be worse. As hard as it is to hear when you feel like your world is so hard and falling apart, that was really good for me to hear. It made me stop and count my blessings and realize this too shall pass. The one thing that it has made me realize is that if  we can manage these weeks at a time where she is in this much pain and caring for her is this difficult, we can handle post surgery. I have been terrified for what those few weeks after surgery will be like. But now I am feeling stronger about that time. I guess God has a plan.

Luckily we are not doing a party for Mayleighs birthday until next week. We are hoping she is feeling better by then. We really arent sure why this keeps happening. Like I said, I thought having her stoma revised was going to take care of this. But we are starting to think that her body gets constipated easily so we need to be on top of that all the time. Her anatomy is so complicated. I am now more anxious then ever to get surgery started. (sigh) This move is really throwing a wrench in plans. But that's a whole other post! ;)

The kids and I surprised B at his play day! 

Big brother! What a trooper to take a pic...she really was feeling miserable! 

Playing bags! 

My boys!!! 

A little nap in the shade! 

An ice cream treat cheered her up! Birthday cake ice cream pop....perfect for the birthday girl!

Pure happiness! The pool and ice cream! 

Great News

Mayleigh and I headed back to Columbus last week to do some of her testing that needs to be done before surgery. We were originally going to go in June but after getting her 3rd urinary tract infection the hospital was able to bump everything up for us. We were so thankful.

So while we were there for the testing Mayleigh had her stoma stitched up on one side and this will prevent her from getting any more UTI's. The type of colostomy they did in China was not what they would have done here so they just did a quick revision while she was under for the tests. Oh and let me update you on the awful ER visit at St. Johns! Our pediatrician was really upset about what happened and encouraged me to write a letter to the CEO of St. John's and the director of the ER. After sending the email late on night I was called the next morning with a conference call of people who were all apologizing and basically kissing my butt! ;) They will not be charging me for my visit and they are going to be speaking with the ped surgeon who refused to see me that day because it was "not an emergency."

So back to Columbus...where I KNOW we will never be treated that way! Nationwide is such a wonderful hospital! So Thursday we started off by meeting Mayleigh's colorectal surgeon. It's funny because to my imperforate anus (IA) adoption FB group, Dr. Levitt is a superstar!! And now I know why everyone just loves him. He was just so nice and had such an aura about him if that makes sense. He was so sweet with Mayleigh and his nurse was hugging me saying how good it was to meet. Just so warm and friendly. It sounds weird but I don't know how to explain it. With such big surgeries ahead and the fear and anxiety that comes with this, Dr. Levitt has a way of just making you feel so at peace about everything!

Mayleigh did great through everything. I spoke with Dr. Levitt after he finished with the test. Basically he and the urologist went in and were able to see where everything is located and how easy or hard the surgery will be to repair everything and hook it all back up. IA has two categories really. High and low. Low is easier to repair. Mayleigh's is unfortunately a little high. I was a little discouraged when he told me but again, he is so confident about the surgery that he just makes it easy to take in. The biggest news we were waiting on is her MRI and the xray of her sacrum. About half of kids born with IA have malformed sacrums or a tethered spinal cord. This lessons the chance of the child being continent. We are praising God tonight after getting the news that Mayleigh's sacrum is normal and no tethered spinal cord!! Dr. Levitt said that these are great predictors of continence!!!!!!!! Such a relief to know that for one she has a better chance of being normal with her bowels and two that she will not have to undergo another major surgery to untether her spinal cord!!!! Such GREAT news!!

So now we enjoy our summer and get settled in Chicago and we will be doing the first surgery in Oct. They will then open her vagina and her rectum. It will be about an 8 hour surgery. We will be there probably about 5 days and then she will come home with a catheter for about 10 days. The hardest part I have heard is keeping the kids laying low. But for now we are going to enjoy our summer and start worrying about surgery as it gets closer!

Mayleigh and I fit in a little fun while we were in Columbus too. Two of my high school girlfriends live there and we met up for an evening. We hadnt seen each other in about 15 years. Such a fun night to catch up and meet each others kiddos!! Looking foward to seeing them more when we are there for surgery! I also have a good diving friend who lives there who I am looking forward to seeing next trip. Ended up not having enough time this trip. Sorry Angie!! :(

The biggest bummer about our trip was not being able to see my friend who I met through our IA FB group. We have never met in person but have become good friends through this journey. Our girls both have IA and lived in the same orphanage. (not in the same room) They travled to get their daughter a few months before we did. So from panicking the day we accepted Mayleigh, to advice for our China trip, to giving me all the info on Dr. Levitt, to just texting about life...she has been amazing!! Once we got bumped up with our appointments we thought we were going to be there at the same time. We were SOO excited! Unfortunately, at the last min. they changed a few appointments around so neither one of us had to stay the weekend and I got bumped forward and her appointments got bumped back. We ended up missing each other. We will meet someday! :) The sweet thing is how apologetic Dr. Levitt was that we didnt get to see each other! He is just so caring. We are in such good hands!!

Thursday night to my surprise I found out a family we traveled with to China was coming to Nationwide Friday for some testing! We were so excited when we realized we would see each other! Unfortunately, our girls overlapped being under anesthesia so they didnt get to see each other. But how fun for Stephanie to see Miss Mayleigh. She finally got to see the real Mayleigh. Not the depressed, sad, sick Mayleigh that was in China! And I was so excited to see her daughter, Abby! What a fun surprise!! :)

All in all we had a great trip to Columbus. Some great bonding time for Mayleigh and I and so much peace about what is to come in the future for this little peanut!! We are so blessed to be in such good hands at Nationwide. Many people have said how great it is that we are moving to Chicago and how I am sure we will find good surgeons there for Mayleigh. NO WAY! We will never go anywhere but to Dr. Levitt!

At the park enjoying the warmth!! 

Mayleigh and her crazy flexibility!! :)

At the Ronal McDonald House getting ready to head across the street to Nationwide Hospital! The wagon is a lifesaver!! 

Every time we passed Ronald, M said "guy"! :)

Yah!! Seeing Stephanie!! So fun for her to see a happy Mayleigh!! :)

Getting prepped for her test under anesthesia! She loved the socks! 

I am telling you...her flexibility is just crazy! All M's friends from China are that way! 

love this girl to pieces!!

being silly!!

This was right outside the surgery room. She was winning everyone over with her ridiculous cuteness!! 

The team of doctors about to go in. Crazy! So beyond thankful for all of them!

This was a nice surprise while M was under and I was nervously waiting!! Got to see Ms. Abby who had just woke up from her testing!! She wasnt her bubbly self! But sweet as ever!!

Finally got to hold my sweet girl! She was tired!! But perked up quickly with some snacks!

Heading home!! 

I was soo bummed that I had to miss Brennan's first game of the season! He had a blast and luckily I had friends to capture video and pictures for me! 

Cant wait to watch him play tomorrow night!! 

It's been awhile....

Life has hit a new level of crazy around here so I apologize for not keeping up very well with the blog. Since we found out we are moving we have been spending a lot of weekends in Chicago looking for houses. We also have our house on the market so you can just imagine showing a house with 4 kids. We have been lucky and have had a lot of showings but that means a lot of cleaning. It has been exhausting!

I am excited to say the house hunt is officially over!!! The long days of being in the car for hours and dragging Mayleigh in and out of houses is done. (the boys stayed with family but she is not ready to be away from us all day yet) As much of a pain as it was dragging her into 28 houses (one weekend), she did so great!!! We started off not really knowing which suburb we wanted to be in. There were so many choices. After doing research on trains to the city and the length of time Jeff's commute would be, we decided against Naperville. We originally thought that is where we would end up. After being in the Wheaton/Glen Ellyn area, we fell in love. It is such a cute area. I swear every single street you drive down is full of charm! Both Wheaton and Glen Ellyn have the cutest downtowns. The two suburbs are basically right next to each other and at times seem to intersect. Glen Ellyn has great schools and that was very important too!

I had a certain vision for what I thought our new house would be like. BIG yard like we have now, newer house, big neighborhood with lots of kids running around, etc. But after being in Glen Ellyn, Jeff and I started to see a different way of living that could be an exciting change.  A TINY yard, a detached, yes I said DETACHED garage (WHAT AM I THINKING!) :) a house that is a little older with lots of charm, and not really a neighborhood. We are about 5 min. walk to the downtown, the library is just about 20 steps from our front door and Jeff will walk most of the days to the train station. When we were deciding on this house Jeff said, "how cool will it be when you and the kids can come down and greet me when I get off the train and we can all walk home together." We are excited about that!

But this is going to be a HUGE lifestyle change for us. My kids are used to an acre lot right now where they are riding on jeeps and tractors all over and having TONS of space to play. We live on a quiet culdesac now and I feel 100% comfortable with the kids playing outside alone (with me checking on them frequently of course). But now the kids will not be in the front playing and only will have a small space in the back. We will have to get used to walking to the park more and not having a neighborhood to play with other kids. The houses behind us have play sets and I do hope the kids meet other kids. It is just going to be walking them to friends houses until they are older...not just running there through the grass like they do now on their own! It is for sure going to take some time getting used to it but we are looking forward to walking to the downtown on Sat. mornings to the Farmers market or walking to Einstein Bagels which is about a 3-5 min. away.

With all this uncertainty of when we sell our house and where we will be living at times throughout the summer, we decided it was best if we put off Mayleigh's surgery until late fall and we are settle in Chicago. Once we officially made this decision about a week ago, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! I just couldn't imagine with life this crazy that we could give Mayleigh the kind of care she will need after surgery. I dont think adding another huge stressor like that to our life right now would have been healthy for anyone! She is doing great and there is no rush for her surgery. We have talked to her surgeon and we are still going to do the 5 days of testing sometime in June. That way that part is out of the way and we know what to expect when it is time for surgery.

Speaking of Mayleigh....She is doing fantastic. She is doing so great with her talking. Tries just about any word you ask her to (and says it pretty clear) and says about 20 words. She is still sleeping like a champ!! Takes great naps and we never hear a peep from her during the night. That has been such a huge blessing. Mamma's can appreciate good sleep! ;)

Mayleigh has such a huge personality! Loves to jump on the trampoline with her brothes, loves to swing, and read books! She is not fond of dogs. Still cries sometimes when I put her down outside, even when there is no dog in sight. But yet her first time at the zoo she pointed at every animal saying dog, dog!! She loves her Daddy!! It is a pretty sweet relationship that they have. Pretty much melts me watching him with her!! The boys adore her. I see them holding her back when they think she might fall, making sure she is ok if she is acting scared, and they are always ready for kisses at bedtime. She has just fit perfectly with us....its amazing to me that she has really only been home just over 3 months. She has come SOOO FAR!!!

If I am completely honest... I still have some struggles emotionally with some stuff with her. Our bond has grown so much since we first met in China and I think our bond will only get stronger with time. It has been a pretty crazy time in our life with a lot of stress and I need to remember that. It hasnt helped! But one thing I know for certain, God chose her for our family and I wouldn't change that for the world!! We are now complete. Am I ready for life to slow down a little (as much as it can with 4 kids), absolutely...but I am so grateful for our crazy life!!! We are beyond blessed!!!

Here are some pics from the last month or so!!!

Silly girl!!! 

It was a rough day with her blood drawl at the St. Louis International Adoption Clinic. Poor girl was stuck about 6 times. Blood work came back fine and we now know which vaccines she needs! 

Playing around in the locker room at the boys swim lessons! 

Throwing rocks at Gramma's house! We are going to miss this place so much when we move!!! :(

The Easter bunny brought all the boys a sword. What was that bunny thinking??? ;) But we had 3 very happy boys!! BOYS WILL BE BOYS!!

M just loved carrying around the baskets!

Big brother walking his sister into church. LOVE!!!

Heading into Easter Sunday service. Just love this crazy crew so much!

Brothers!!

YES...I was excited about buying the first Easter dress!!!! :) 

Not bad for a family pic!! ;)

Easter dinner with great friends!!! Friends we wont see as often but friends that will never leave our hearts!! Friends that are basically family!! 

Easter egg hunt!

Some of the clan checking out what they got in their eggs!

Two very special girls!! My bestie and my daughter! They have a special bond! Love it!!

Where we will call home in a few months.

Spring Break

This past week while Brennan and Chase were out of school my mom came from Arizona to visit. The kids and I were so excited to see her! From the moment we got her until the moment she left the kids were all about Gramma do this, Gramma do that, Gramma sit by me!! :) I think she went home exhausted....a good exhausted though! ;)
We went to the museum, played outside, rode the golf cart at her house (her house here in Decatur), and went to Starved Rock to hike and swim at the Grizzly Bear Lodge. It was a fun filled week!

Gramma's golf cart is at maximum capacity!! ;) (Kullen's face is hidden back behind M's arm!)

Love this pic of my mom with her grandkids!! 

This pic just melts my heart!!!

Chase has been really sweet to Mayleigh. I think the boys are falling in love with their new sister!! (When she is not screaming in the car!!) :) 

We had such a blast at the water park. My mom and I were exhausted...but it was so fun! Mayleigh was such a fish. This was her first time (I assume) in a pool and its amazing how comfortable she was! Putting her face down in the water, laying on her back, and splashing like crazy!!! She fits in well with this water loving family!! It's going to be a fun summer at the pool. (again...exhausting, but fun!)

This was the best I got after many attempts of all 4!! :)

Love this face!!

As we waited for our pizza, Gramma bought the boys coins for the arcade! Brennan LOVES arcades! He had a ball! 

I loved this family slide!! We could all go down together and I could hold Mayleigh. We did this many times!! My arms were so tired from holding M. Got my workout in!! :)

The boys just couldn't believe that the hotel has bunk beds!! They loved it! We missed having Daddy around for our over night trip, but I guess someone has to work! ;)